Assure that @5 understands that it is your      '
job to keep @1 from hurting @1 self and that    '
not minding you will hurt @1 .                  '
                                                '
The caretaker has the obligation to guide and   '
control a child when @3 is too immature to      '
provide this for @1 self.  This is done by      '
watching, warning and then acting to assure that'
your guidance is followed.  If this is done     '
consistently, @5 will act on the warning.       '
                                                '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
A child is or should be safe within the limits  '
set by a responsible adult.  Choose the limits  '
well and let @5 know when the limits are        '
being approached and what will happen if the    '
behavior continues.  Warn @5, and if the        '
behavior persists, act.                         '
                                                '
Ask yourself:                                   '
  *  Have I set reasonable limits?              '
  *  Can I recognize when the limits are being  '
     challenged?                                '
  *  Do I know how to warn @5?                  '
  *  Do I know what I will do if challenged?    '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
Young children need your watchful eye to stay   '
within the limits of safety.  You have to let   '
@5 know that this is your purpose in            '
watching @1.  When things go wrong, stop        '
them before they go too wrong.  This gets the   '
point across.                                   '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Keeping an eye on @5.                      '
  *  Steping in as soon as possible when any-   '
     thing dangerous starts happening.          '
  *  Saying no loudly or using sudden movements '
     as a means to stop behavior.               '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
A child of this age is so concerned with getting'
@2 own way that there is little concern with    '
whether disobedience will hurt them.  The most  '
appropriate approach is to step in and take     '
charge if this normal process poses the least   '
threat to @5.                                   '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Watching for the signs of rebellion and    '
     warning @5 that if the behavior            '
     continues, you must step in.               '
  *  Taking action without further words when   '
     the rebellion continues.                   '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
Children of this age often practice brinkmanship'
by not reacting until they are absolutely sure  '
that you are at your limits and are about to    '
take action.  Minimizing the emotional loading  '
of these situations is in the best interest of  '
you and @5.                                     '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Start the policy of warning @5             '
     twice and then acting on the third.        '
  *  Saying "That's one" when the behavior      '
     starts.  Then saying "That's two."         '
  *  Acting immediately when it continues.      '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
Pre-adolescents often get involved in things    '
that are dangerous as they experiment with life.'
Telling and showing them where the behavior is  '
leading often works to get them to think twice  '
before disobeying.  Stopping them and discussing'
the behavior when it first occurs aids this.    '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Explaining calmly where @5's               '
     behavior is leading when you note the first'
     sign of rebellion.                         '
  *  Allowing @1 to take the next step before   '
     acting.                                    '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
Adolescents need the sense that you are willing '
to negotiate when and if the case they make is  '
reasonable.  Stopping and listening is the      '
beginning of this process even if you do not act'
on what is being presented.  With this group,   '
you must be firm AND flexible.                  '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Stopping and asking @1 what is going on.   '
  *  Listening to @1 before responding.         '
  *  Laying out your case and asking for @2     '
     reactions.                                 '
  *  Listening and then deciding how to respond.'
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '